Rhythm of Falling Rain

It is raining outside and my mind went straight to the last time I associated rain with pain…it was never something I had done in the past. My childhood notion of rain was play and laughter, but that night changed everything. The pitter patter of rain became the drum beats to a broken heart, a sad melody and I am unsure of why I thought of it today.

Probably cause I’ve been watching too many romance movies and my head decided to taunt my heart. I could not talk about that night, let alone indulge in its memories but the rain started a domino effect that got me back to several years past. I was under that lamppost, it was pouring… and He was leaving. Maybe I cried cause it was raining – no one would see… Or maybe cause it hurt that darn much. Whoever said making the first move in a breakup hurts less was way off the mark.

He was the one that got away… Or simply put, the one I pushed out. They tell you your firsts would be memorable… And that’s all true, only that I didn’t know the memories would be so realistic. On days like today I feel like my heart is in my throat. It’s so heavy, the pressure feels like an elephant sat on my chest… I choke up on my tears but am unsure why am sobbing. It’s just a memory after all.

I can ‘t breath… My mind knows how but my heart won’t comply.

Dear Dee

I haven’t written in a while. I always find excuses not to because reality always looks back at me when I do that… I wanted a break, to live in bliss for abit before my bubble burst. Adulting is not easy… Especially with everyone around seeming to have everything together. They have jobs, are getting married, having children, and simply moving along the human timeline.

I want to move too, but my heart still sings that sad melody… Tries to copy the rhythm of the falling rain and I let it. Maybe it’s cause in my sadness I learn that I once risked it all for love… And then gave up on someone for the same reason. Thus I believe on days like today, am allowed to miss the love that I lost and reminisce in my own way because my feelings were sincere. To love someone even for a brief moment can be a good thing cause that moment… it lasts a lifetime after that…

So, to the man who’s retreating back haunts my memories on rainy days..

PS. I loved you. ❤️